While reading Lighter by Yung Pueblo I stumbled across his experience in a Vipassna Center. I am familiar with Vipassna and I am kind of excited to be reminded of it at this point in my life. When I lived in Seattle I had several friends that went to this particular retreat and they always came back home as a floating ball of pure light. What is it? It’s a ten day vow of silence. You give up all of your belongings at the door, stay in a private room, get fed three vegetarian meals a day and it’s all paid forward by previous students. There are Vipassna retreats all over the country and the closest one to me is in Kaufman. I remember wanting to try it when I was in Seattle and I can’t think of a more appropriate time than now. Unfortunately, it books up lightning fast. By the time it had re-entered my mind the Summer slots had all been taken. I’m on a waiting list and at least it’s on my radar now.
I decided to search for places around me and found another one that I got pretty excited about however it’s not free. BUT, it does have themed three day retreats with topics like, “The Power of Intention,” “Discover Your Purpose,” and OMG… “Transforming Anger.” That is exactly what I need right now so I started the process of registering. It’s not cheap but I did the math, thought about how much I paid therapists recently, and decided it was worth it. That is, until I realized that the lodging was not included in the cost of the workshop. Damn. Will save that for a later date too I guess.
THEN I remembered, “OMG there’s a Buddhist meditation center right down the road in Farmersville that I’ve been wanting to try out for, well, fifteen years! Sound familiar? I even called many years ago and spoke to the Master there but for some reason completely chickened out. I plan on going. I meant to go today but got lazy. My goodness I need an effing break anyway. I have been going so hard since school ended I’ve been falling asleep on the road. I’ve booked myself for something social nearly every day.
So, I’m gonna do my own damn retreat. I’ve already changed my house into something that feels like me with art and colors and objects that bring me joy. I may include the Kalachakra center down the road in my retreat schedule after my walk at dawn. Meditation seems to be a big part of these retreats but I have mixed feelings about meditation. One, I’m not very good at it. Two, it brings up some unpleasant memories. He had started meditating a year or two ago and somehow whenever I happened to text him to see what he was doing that day or to tell him I loved him, I was met with, “I was meditating.” Not, “Hey honey what’s up?” or “Aw! Hey I love you too.” Now meditation connects to sour feelings. Maybe I can do some guided ones to get into the practice or maybe my retreat(s) and form of healing won’t involve meditating. I’ll begrudgingly give it a shot though.
But how does one do their own retreat at home, when one has SO MANY THINGS TO DO there? You get serious about it. You put it in the calendar, you meal prep, you clean the house, you hide your phone and computers, you alert your friends and family that you will be out of pocket, you set out comfortable clothing, and you set an itinerary for each day. I’ll need an anger based one and definitely going to need one on forgiving myself. I have been selecting possible books for this adventure and plan to knock these two retreats out within the audible 30 day free trial period! I’m looking really forward to them and I will of course share the experiences with you all.
Find your peace. Love, ~S
Leave a Reply